The Light inside

I am a Guardian.
My job: lead those who have lost their way to the loving arms of Mother Gaia, our loving Goddess.
This world is full of many distractions.
Money.
Sex.
Drugs.
All things that are products of this world, but not the work of the Divine Mother.
So her children need a teacher.
A leader.
Someone to bring them back from the brink of darkness.
From the abyss that threatens to consume the children she cherishes so much.
So Mother Gaia chose me.
As unworthy as I am, she charged me with the divine goal of bringing her children back to her.
Most I can save. Some are just too far gone.
When I do fail, Mother Gaia weeps.
Not at my failure, but at the soul of one of her precious children lost to her.
I have walked this path alone for countless lifetimes.
Always helping, always nurturing, but never know the love that is being brought back from the edge.
Until now.
Mother Gaia saw fit to bless me with a companion.
A companion that I helped back to the light.
And in turn, who helped me discover the light inside.
A blessing in my world of darkness and uncured disease.
A beacon that I can drift toward.
An anchor to hold in the most furious of storms.
Love, it seems, is the safest harbor in the world.
Mother Gaia’s gift to mankind.

Thank you

I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet you.
You were gone before I met the wonderful son you raised.
The man I fell in love with is amazing,
And I owe that in no small part to you.
So I will never get the chance to thank you in person,
So please, accept my thanks now.
I know it means little where you are at currently,
But I know a part of you still watches over yours.
Thank you for raising your son to know how to respect a lady.
To speak softly to her, even when she is screaming,
To touch her gently, like you are brushing a flower petal,
To love her more than you love yourself.
Thank you for teaching your son how to be a good daddy.
My children look at your son with the same love that they look at me with.
They adore him because he’s playful and loving,
Respect him because he is strict but not mean.
And most all, thank you for teaching your son how to love.
Most men do not learn this lesson.
Your son loves me with his whole heart, not just for what I can do for him.
And in turn, I love him as well.
I regret that this thanks cant be delivered in person Mr. Morgan.
For I greatly wish that I could shake your hand.
For giving this world one of the rare fine men that this world so lacks,
I thank you. Rest in Peace.

Perfection

People have a very odd idea of the “perfect relationship.”
To them, this is how it goes:
Woman, the weaker of the two, is all submissive to the male.
She cooks for him,
Cleans for him,
Supports his every asinine idea, whether its smart or not.
Gives herself to him every night, whether she wants to or not.
Because its “her duty.”
He’s the Master, she’s the Slave.
Let’s examine this shall we.
First: Who says it has to be a male/female relationship?
Two males could form that bond. Two females could form that bond.
And have, many times over.
Just because it does not fit into the norm,
Does not make it any less right,
Or any less loving.
Second: Why does one have to lord over the other?
Women, as a gender, have untold strength all of their own.
Women breath life into unborn young ones, giving of their bodies for nine months to nurture this new vessel for a new soul.
Women are gentler by nature, knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to comfort those whom they adore.
Women can give of themselves, their whole selves, and become a slave to the man they adore, not because they want to be controlled, because they want their man to have their whole heart.
Men are the planets natural providers.
They have an ingrained instinct to care for those weaker than themselves.
They provide,
They protect,
And once you have a man’s heart, there is no giving it back.
Because good men love with their whole hearts, and their whole beings.
As a woman, when you become involved with a man, you become “His.”
Not that you are a piece of meaningless property.
If you are with a good man, you become that man’s most priceless treasure.
The one thing he would lay his life down to protect.
The one thing he holds in regard above all other things.
His life. His love.
So in my opinion, a relationship is not perfect because one is Master over the other.
A relationship is perfect when two people give their whole hearts to each other,
And treat that gift as it should be treated,
With reverence,
Respect,
And above all,
Complete, total love.

No fear

Ghosts.
They are everywhere.
You may think you can outrun them,
Or trick them,
Or hide from them.
Guess what?
You cant.
Your ghosts always know where to find you.
They may leave you be for a while, make you think that you have outrun them.
Until they sneak up behind you and goose you on your ass.
Scaring the living shit out of you.
You can run,
You can hide, you can try to,
But they always have their ways of finding you.
To be caught by a ghost is to face the past.
True warriors don’t need to be caught.
True warriors will turn willingly and face what they have experienced.
They will stare it straight in the eyes and say “I do not fear you.”
“My experiences are not to be feared. My experiences are to be learned from.”
“The fear you represent has no control over me.”
So a warrior has no ghosts.
They have memories. Experiences.
But no fear.

Happiness tickles

Happiness Tickles

Sadness feels like a rainy day,
Depression, like a weight on your chest.
Anger is like a fire boiling in your very veins.
When these are your primary feelings, indifference is the best you can hope for. Indifference feels like a blank sheet of paper. Nothing.
But happiness? Happiness tickles, like someone finding your hidden tickle spot.
Safety is like having your best friend nearby all the time, just if you need to tell secrets.
Love is a rush, like skydiving or bungee jumping.
Being protected feels like a big bear hug, all the time.
Emotions are not just a mental state of mind.
Physically, all feelings are experienced just as strongly.
Be sad and depressed, or feel happy and giggly,
We choose to feel the way we do, one way or another.
The next time you hear a sad song and start to cry,
Or have a fight with a friend and feel your blood start to boil,
Just remember these two very simple words…
Happiness tickles.

Wait

My heart has been misused,
Beaten,
Broken,
Then crudely reconstructed by its owner, hoping to hold it together with glue and the thinnest thread.
I never believed the lies they told me.
“I love you.” “I want to be with you forever.”
Well, forever is a long time buddy, guess you lost interest.
They got their physical gratification,
Then, forever was over.
After years of being forced to participate in the lies and self deceit,
An angel appeared before me.
He waited. Waited very patiently.
He did not pursue me. He did not chase me.
He let me come to him.
I was curious. He claimed love and the possibility of forever, but he was not like the others.
This angel told me it was my choice.
That he was a patient man, and he could wait as long as I needed.
He did not force. He did not chase. He waited for me to love him.
He took my broken, battered heart.
And he cherished it.
He treated it like it was brand new, and it was the worth the love he could bestow on it.
He removed the hurt, the needles, the razor wire, and the infection that had been placed there by those before him.
He told me I was worthy of his love, and he would give it to no other.
My heart is starting to heal,
Thanks to this angel of mercy,
Who has wrapped me in the cocoon of his love,
And vowed for all eternity to keep me safe.
And for that, my heart belongs to him.

Within the looking glass

Within the Looking Glass

My life, such as it is, is a desolate story.
Maltreated, abandoned, an urchin at an early age.
Such things taught me many things, but one more important than all,
Nothing, and no one, is and are what they seem.
The nonconformity of my essence became my all encompassing goal.
These were the people who had perpetrated such sins against me.
I would not, and could not, become them.
Love and serenity is what I craved. Sadism and abhorrence is what I got.
Life for me has been a journey. In quest of that which I was denied since my infancy.
Therein lies the problem. What was I to do with it when I found it?
Hatred and violence has been my life blood since the beginning.
Upheaval was all I knew. I responded to all with revulsion.
True contentment avoided me until my adulthood.
When I discovered what I had been searching for.
I tested it. Pushing it away to see if it would leave, as all others had done.
So long as I stood strong, this could not hurt me.
The happiness waited. Took the blows I gave it and bounced back.
Stood there waiting patiently, saying the whole time, “We won’t hurt you.”
“Your greatest fear is us asking you to leave. Ours is you leaving.”
“We love you. Let us love you.”
This was not violent. It was not hateful. This creature called “Family” spoke the language of love.
One I had never heard.
Terror struck me like a thousand bolts of lightning.
Control was in their court now.
The capacity to see straight through me had been realized.
Carefully constructed masks were being ripped apart like paper.
I was laid bare, at their mercy, to be judged worthy.
“Unworthy” was not in this family creature’s vocabulary.
They saw me. Not as the person whom I was created to be.
Not the person I had to be to survive.
Me. The beautiful princess I kept locked in her tower for 26 years.
The striking young redhead 5 year old who loved dolls.
The imaginative 9 year old who loved to play pretend.
The commanding 15 year old who dreamed of faraway places.
The remarkable 25 year old who made her way on her own.
They saw me.
I saw nothing but love and approval in their eyes.
One day, one day soon,
I hope to see the same within the looking glass.